Safe Harbours

Jan 22, 2009, 2:05 am In the last 18 months, I seem to to meet several individuals who are either going through divorce, or about to go through divorce. Divorce is painful... it involves the tearing apart of two people's lives. It isn't something you "just get over." Divorce takes time to mend your life. The estimate is one year for every two years of relationship. So, for example, if you've been married for 10 years... it will take five years of recovery after divorce before you are ready to attempt another relationship. When I recommend to individuals to take a break from relationship after divorce and take the time to allow their hearts to heal, a lot of my guys have run off and gotten involved immediately, only to come back and tell me that they should have listened. I guess the reality is that you have to love yourself enough to take the time off to explore the realities of "what happened..." If you don't take these steps, you'll ...

It is difficult to find a safe place when everything inside of you is in chaos. Sometimes, it is difficult to identify where the chaos begins and where it ends. For people who have suffered abuse, the chaos begins when the abuse occurs. Often adults don't know why they feel chaotic. They don't remember periods of early abuse, or they feel like their worlds are spinning out of control. One way adults use to control remembering periods of abuse is to self-medicate. Self-medication comes in several forms: alcohol, elicit drugs, prescription drugs, food, and sex. Yes, sex is a form of medication when used in excess. It is better to not self-medicate if possible. If an adult has been abused in childhood, it is better for the adult to seek help in the form of psychotherapy with a professional who has experience in treating trauma. I do not recommend that clergy treat trauma unless they are specifically trained to treat trauma. Trauma has complicated outcomes. Some individuals have un...