In A Domestic Violence Situation, Do I Admit I'm Having An Affair?

I've had this question posed to me recently by a couple of people. Obviously, the first question is this... if the revelation of the betrayal causes you to be more at risk of harm, the answer, is no, you don't admit you're having an affair. But, you also, don't stay in the marriage or relationship either when you are at risk of being physically harmed.

The reality is... the affair occurred because your emotional needs were not being met by the abuser. This is NOT an excuse. If the abuser is capable of making changes toward making the relationship a safe relationship, then marriage counseling or relationship counseling is appropriate and the betrayal of the relationship should be conveyed within the confines of the therapeutic milieu.

The bottom line is this... if you are not safe, do not reveal anything that makes you more unsafe. If you have any doubt about your safety, wait until you have help from a professional counselor.

Remember to take care of yourself... remember to stay safe. Remember to make good decisions... remember to anchor yourself in safe harbours!

RamyB, MMFT

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